5 tips for Highly Sensitive People in Love
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OMG, what am I feeling?
On top of all the daily feelings comes the feeling of being in love and all the other feelings that come with it, but also the feelings of your (new found) partner. It then becomes a great melting pot of feelings that can become too much and the only thing you want to do then is distance yourself from all those feelings. The average person feels like they are on cloud 9 when they are in love, but the HSP just feels like they are loosing their grip and can't see the sky through the clouds anymore.
Do you really like me?
The feelings of being in love can overwhelm you. You have a hard time believing that someone is really into you. You let them seduce you and you partly go along with it, but you will keep a firm hold on your intimate space, guarding it well. It takes a while before you truly believe that the other person really likes you and it might take even longer before you feel safe enough to reciprocate, to admit that you like them as well.
Not really a quiz taker? Download my free HSP Checklist and discover if you are (or your partner is) a Highly Sensitive Person.*
Peace between head and heart
Those first few months are dominated by a constant battle between your head and your heart. This is because you are afraid to let all those wonderful feelings in. You are afraid to trust, afraid of getting hurt, afraid to trust yourself and your intuition. The key to allowing these feelings in is accepting who you are, accepting what makes you beautiful, accepting what makes your heart sing, but also trusting in yourself, in your intuition and in the honourable intentions of the other.
The big questions is: How do you do that?
Would you believe me if I told you?
Would you believe me if I told you that you are worth it. That you are enough. You with all your great qualities and quirkiness?
No of course not!
Who am I?
Would you believe it if you told it to yourself?
No, because a part of you will disagree...
Then who is left?
They key is believing that you are worthy of receiving love. You deserve to find someone who loves you unconditionally for who you are, quirkiness and all. Maybe it will help of someone close to you, who loves you and for whom you have great respect told you the same. Your mom, your aunt, your grandmother, your brother or your little nephew without using words but by putting his little arms around your neck squeezing you tight, letting you feel his love for you. Try it!
What happens after three months?
After the first three months of dating you get to decide if you want to continue or not. You get to decide if you want to go on together as a couple. A busy life together full of work and social activities continues to be a challenge if you have not openly come out with being a couple yet. Talk to each other about it and don't forget to mention what you need from each other, especially when it concerns those social activities.
To help you with this I have written 5 tips you could greatly benefit from:
1. Having enough “me time”
HSP's need enough time for themselves. Time to be alone, time to be by yourself and give room to those things that require your attention. This is natural, because the things that you know are familiar and safe to you and having some “me time” allows you to create some much needed peace and quiet for yourself. During this time you don't have to handle all those different impulses that are coming at you from the outside. It is a time to relax and re-charge. It is also something you really need, so make sure you plan enough of it.
2. Specifying your limits
As an HSP it is very important that you specify your limits clearly, because otherwise your 'bucket' will quickly overflow and this causes you to feel overwhelmed, exhausted and unhappy. When you want to leave at a party, tell your partner. If you don't feel like going somewhere, because you are tired and you'd rather just stay at home, tell your partner. Tell them it is ok to go without you if they do want to go or to stay longer if they are not yet ready to leave with you. Remember you don't have to do everything together and it is more important that you take really good care of yourself and listen to your needs then to please the other while reaping the results the next day.
If you want to clear stress, fears and negative thinking, overcome your resistance to change and connect with your passion, join me for my free 5 day tapping challenge that starts on February the 14th.
3. Don't avoid the confrontation
When something is bothering you, speak up. Don't avoid the confrontation, but tell your partner what is bothering you in a loving way. Speak from your heart about your own feelings and try to avoid making them feel like you are attacking them. Keep reminding yourself (and them) that you want to work this out together. Find a solution for what is bothering you together. Honesty really is the best policy.
4. Say what you feel
Become really good at expressing your feelings. Your emotions are the most wonderful thing you possess, but at the same time realize that they are YOUR emotions. It is not your partners fault. He or she did not do it on purpose. They did not know any better and they are only operating within their own belief system of doing what they think is the right thing to do. Usually what happens is that they trigger and old belief or situation and all the feelings an emotions connected to that belief or situation then come flooding back in. Realize this and take it into account when you say what you feel to your partner.
If saying what you feel is scary for you, then you might have to work on transforming some limiting beliefs first. Download my free Transform Limiting Beliefs Tool to help you with this.*
5. Don't stray away from the topic
The most important thing to keep in mind when you are confronting your partner is to stick to the subject at hand. This will help keep to conversation clear and constructive for both of you. We tend to stray away from the subject and pull in all different kinds of side subjects, but don't do it! It will not help the conversation, it will not help in resolving the issue and it won't make you feel any better. Focus and tackle one thing at a time. This makes all the difference. Try it and you'll see what I mean.
I hope this article was valuable to you and that my tips are of help in your relationship.
If you want to find out even more about yourself and your wonderful sensitive trait take a look at all the free content I have in my website www.2beinbalance.com or register for my upcoming HSP Event.
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* All downloads and quizzes are also available in Dutch through my website www.2beinbalance.com